RIP Buck

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.” – Josh Billings

The last two years have been really shitty for me. As bad as 2016 was, 2017 has just eclipsed it as the shittiest. Four days ago my dog suddenly stopped walking. Seriously, he was fine most of Sunday and in the afternoon he changed. He was in pain. So. Much. Pain. He hurt so much that he didn’t even want to lay down.

We took him to the vet for tests. They had trouble finding the cause. Eventually they said he had arthritis. Buck is ten, and a Lab, of course he has arthritis. They gave him anti-inflammatory medication…which did absolutely nothing. In fact, he got worse. The next day he would stand around panting (even though it wasn’t hot) and later whining non-stop. It broke my heart to see him diminish so fast. He was in so much pain that he slept a mere half an hour in two days, and only when I gently petted his head while he lay on my hand. I cried for that half hour, knowing he didn’t have much longer.

He went back to the vet for more tests. This time they found an ulcer. More medication was prescribed. Again, it didn’t work. He got worse yet again. The doctors speculated that there was probably something going on in his brain…and if that was the case there wasn’t much that could be done.  You see, Buck has fatty tumors throughout his body. It’s logical to assume there was one in his brain too.

So today we took Buck back to the vet for the last time. His mobility went from just fine on Sunday to wobbly trying to stand so he could eat or go to the bathroom on Monday. He was in so much pain. Constant, excruciating pain. I never saw an animal cry until a few days ago. Twelve hours of tears. He would look at me for help. Help I couldn’t give. It crushed my heart. It was like someone flipped a switch. Buck was fine one day and the opposite of fine the next. There were no warning signs.

Buck was a kind and gentle soul. He never hurt anyone. He loved the snow. He loved squeaky toys. He loved playing tug of war with his knotted rope toys. He loved going for walks late at night. Like me, he was nocturnal. We came alive at night, especially if it was snowing. Buck loved it when my nieces and nephew thew snowballs. He would chase them down or snatch them out of the sky. I know he’s in a better place now, waiting for our reunion. I believe I’ll see him again.

I’m thankful for the time Buck and I shared. He will never be forgotten. I’ll miss so much about my dog. I lost my heart today. I lost my buddy. I lost one of the best pieces of me.

RIP Buck: Born March 20, 2007 – Died April 12, 2017.




  1. Reblogged this on DaphneShadows and commented:
    (I know I just posted, but get over it, people. I typically forget to post for a week instead of posting 3 times weekly. You’ll survive……still grumpy if you can’t tell)

    Today is a painful day.

    I’d like for everyone to send Brian some love.
    Speaking of fuzzy babies, Brian’s dog passed away this week.
    Buck is an adorable, sweet boy who loves snow and his dad, Brian.
    I say “is”, because the only solace I retain is that all my fuzzy babies are in heaven, waiting for me.
    I don’t believe a soul can die. We just move somewhere else. And dogs are most certainly the sweetest of souls.

    What to do when your animal passes?
    I cried like a psycho when my last two dogs died, and that for once, is not a joke, exaggeration, or me being sarcastic. I got a migraine I cried so hard.
    The idea that your dog (or whatever your beloved animal is) died in pain and confused is enough to crush one’s heart.
    But at least he died quickly.
    And I am so glad that I was there to hold my dog’s hand as he passed.
    I will forever look forward to the day I get to see my dogs again.

    Isn’t it funny that that’s what we do, as humans? Try to look for the “well, at least”s in terrible situations.
    At least it was quick.
    He still died. He still hurt.
    You still hurt. I still hurt.

    But I believe this is a good thing. I think its the two things we should do when a dog (pet) dies.
    1. We cry. We hurt. We rage.
    2. We remember. We love. We look forward to reuniting.

    So let’s all take a moment to remember our pets, the pets of our friends, and send some love Buck and Brian’s way.
    Rest in peace, Buck.

  2. Brian – (As Daphne’s Mom), I want you to know that my heart, soul and love goes out to you honey. Big HUGS!! Buck is no longer in pain and is on the other side with your loved ones and will be there when you cross over too. Losing a pet, is like losing an appendage…it just sucks!!! If I may make a suggestion, don’t wait too long to get your next dog. There is one waiting on you to go and find him or her. And, you are “in need” right now of a doggy because you are one of us who functions better with a pet and then there’s what you mentioned about having a bad year! I’ve always had a dog and that animal has always made each of my days tolerable and better!! My prayers are with you to find your next “forever friend”. Thank you for your service to our Country. And, thank you for writing – for your mind. Happy Easter. Remember, Christ endured everything, so that we in turn could each endure what he puts before us. Our lives are learning phases and stepping stones… you’ll pass your test. I have faith in you. Just keep in mind, the doggy will help with all of it!! 🙂

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