personal

RIP Buck

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.” – Josh Billings

The last two years have been really shitty for me. As bad as 2016 was, 2017 has just eclipsed it as the shittiest. Four days ago my dog suddenly stopped walking. Seriously, he was fine most of Sunday and in the afternoon he changed. He was in pain. So. Much. Pain. He hurt so much that he didn’t even want to lay down.

We took him to the vet for tests. They had trouble finding the cause. Eventually they said he had arthritis. Buck is ten, and a Lab, of course he has arthritis. They gave him anti-inflammatory medication…which did absolutely nothing. In fact, he got worse. The next day he would stand around panting (even though it wasn’t hot) and later whining non-stop. It broke my heart to see him diminish so fast. He was in so much pain that he slept a mere half an hour in two days, and only when I gently petted his head while he lay on my hand. I cried for that half hour, knowing he didn’t have much longer.

He went back to the vet for more tests. This time they found an ulcer. More medication was prescribed. Again, it didn’t work. He got worse yet again. The doctors speculated that there was probably something going on in his brain…and if that was the case there wasn’t much that could be done.  You see, Buck has fatty tumors throughout his body. It’s logical to assume there was one in his brain too.

So today we took Buck back to the vet for the last time. His mobility went from just fine on Sunday to wobbly trying to stand so he could eat or go to the bathroom on Monday. He was in so much pain. Constant, excruciating pain. I never saw an animal cry until a few days ago. Twelve hours of tears. He would look at me for help. Help I couldn’t give. It crushed my heart. It was like someone flipped a switch. Buck was fine one day and the opposite of fine the next. There were no warning signs.

Buck was a kind and gentle soul. He never hurt anyone. He loved the snow. He loved squeaky toys. He loved playing tug of war with his knotted rope toys. He loved going for walks late at night. Like me, he was nocturnal. We came alive at night, especially if it was snowing. Buck loved it when my nieces and nephew thew snowballs. He would chase them down or snatch them out of the sky. I know he’s in a better place now, waiting for our reunion. I believe I’ll see him again.

I’m thankful for the time Buck and I shared. He will never be forgotten. I’ll miss so much about my dog. I lost my heart today. I lost my buddy. I lost one of the best pieces of me.

RIP Buck: Born March 20, 2007 – Died April 12, 2017.

Buck

A Bit Quiet Lately

Hey, all. Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. There is a reason and it’s not the happy kind. I’m not sure how much I should share here. One of my parents has cancer. They’ve been in the hospital lately. Things aren’t looking so good. Even though we don’t have the best of relationships, it still weighs on me. Anyway, as you can imagine I haven’t really felt like posting much. I’ll get back to the blog when things settle down. Until then enjoy this preview for the horror film, The Hallow.